Shady Lady no more...

As my old pal Celine would say, "A new day has come!" (and a collective sigh of relief swept of the readers who now realize that this is not another sob-fest blog entry!! hurray for Perkaset!! totally joking...) I cannot even describe the hope and peace and excitement that I feel right now! I just had such an epiphane tonight about my life, who I want to be, and who I definitley DON'T want to be. It seems like my whole life I've always wanted to be THAT girl, you know, the one the boys all loved, and the one with a million friends who was smart, pretty, good at everything, blah de blah blah. However, somehow, wires got crossed along the way, and I created this shy, dark, and yes even snotty, psuedo mystery woman self. After awhile, I became so sononymous with it, I just kept cultivating it until it consumed me...I realize now that I wasn't happy, I wasn't living the kind of life I wanted to --I was missing out on so much just trying to keep up the image of this alter persona, I had completely forgotten to be me! I'm lucky that I didn't completely miss the friendship boat though, and have been so fortunate to be able to really talk about this with them. Think about it, we are here for four, maybe five short years, that's it! Then we're thrown out into the harsh world outside of Utah Valley and expected to suddenly make our own fun...our own friends. Because believe it or not, but "3 Truths and a lie" probably won't be surfacing in the Manhattan singles ward. So basically, I just want to be able to make the most of my time here. Just thought you'd want to know...

Silver platter day...

ok, so you know those days when you would just like everyone's head on a silver platter? well, i know my writing has been, shall we say, of the pessimistic persuasion as of late, but today was just rediculous!! i had about 120 pages to read for one class--ONE class! so (granted, it was my fault that i put it off for that long), i skipped two of my favorite classes today just so that i could finish it becuase i knew there would be a quiz on all of it, all ambiguous 120 pages of it...WRONG!! wrong, wrong, doube wrong!! ugh, i got to class to find: a.) a substitute professor, b.) an assignment that somehow circulated to everyone else but me, c.) the reading has been moved back a whole week! i just sacrificed a lot to get work done for this class, and it is so frustrating when that goes unrecognized or unhonored. but, after a navajo taco with my sister, everything cooled down, i just needed a good vent session. maybe an episode of Flava of Love will be just the ticket to top it all off, on the other hand, probably not...

Oh, the anxiety!!

Well, today was a bad/good day...we'll call it bood, or maybe gad. On the positive side of things, I seriously enjoyed almost every class I had today--graphic design, choir, and even biology was ok, allthough after catching myself doodling some nifty little logos on my notes during the entire schpeal of Dr. Larry Lee, I realized how hard I am actually going to have to work to get a decent grade. Then Women's Chorus adutions came up, and they actually went well, better than I expected. After that, I spent a whopping $155 on books for one class--uno! That's it! How can three little books for an Ethics class cost that much all together!! I mean, come on Dr. Stoker--Momma needs some new highlights!! I need to go to the dollar theatre everyonce in awhile!! Ok, so maybe I'm overreacting just a little, but if you don't know me, then you obviously don't know what an incredible tight wad I am!! Seriously, you think that you like to save a buck or two every now and then, I will honestly go out of my way to avoid handing over my hard earned $7.50/hr to the every growing, faceless, corporate shame that is the American market. Then, there was the ward activity. Enough said for some of you, becuase that may be like hearing the words "games" and "friday night date" together in the same sentence. I absolutley detest large group gatherings where a bunch of strangers are expected to mingle, I mean come on! We're all insecure, incredibly shallow (at times) humans! No way are we going to go up to someone and just start gabbing! I spent almost the entire evening in that wierd both-hands-in-the-pockets stance, while getting pelted by water balloons. Not fun. The sad part is though, the really sad part, is that I know I can only blame myself for not having fun--that's it, no one else! I am in charge of my own destiny!!! No matter how much self confidence I think that I need in order to meet people, I really just need to suck it up, bite the bullet, stick out my right hand and say those three little words that stand between me being alone friday nights and out doing something with friends: "Hi, I'm Charlotte..."

P-Town...

Well, I'm "back in the saddle again," I guess you could say. Yep, I've moved into my new apt., kissed the family goodbye, and the first day of school is looming over the Wasatch horizon, and I think I'm getting pretty close to ready for it: New pens, check. New planner, check. First round of choir auditions, check. And now the first Sunday in the new ward is over. The new school year hurdles are being jumped, one at a time. The excitement for all of this newness is still there, but there is also this feeling of untapped potential inside of me that I feel I need to work hard to discover this next year. I still need to figure out things like if I'm going to serve a Mission, change my major, go away for a semester on an international internship, etc. But right now, at the smell of my apt., I'm trying to figure out if I burnt my soup for dinner yet or not...