So, I realize that this is a long overdue post...probably too long. A lot has happened actually--don't think it hasn't! I haven't been sitting around in my bunny slippers waiting for something noteworthy to happen so I can write about it...that's just not the way I roll. I've been thinking a lot lately about a favorite quote of mine: "Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself!" How prophetic is that?! Seriously--too many people, especially in a homogenized community like Provo, spend way too much time worrying about becoming certain people, living up to expectations, finding the right fit for thier lives, when really, what they should be doing is making the kind of lives they want to lead! I've always thought the phrase, "You can be whatever you want to be," to be so trite, but how true it really is! We, as intelligent, living, breathing, priviledged human beings have the ultimate power to conciously look at a situation we are given, decide we don't like it, and CHANGE it! We can be sad, happy, sexy, witty, unconventional, all by deciding to be so! I recently came to an amazing epiphane about my life: everything I do (or did) is becuase I cared about what other people thought of me. I did everything based on that premise--I told jokes that I thought would boost my popularity quotient with someone, I dressed a certain way to grab some male attention, I did all of these things because I thought that it mattered...it doesn't. I was so concerned with living the way I thought people wanted me to live, I forgot to stay in tune with what I really want in life. I came to a very stark realization...today, about a relationship I was shamelessly trying to pursue. I wanted it to work out SO badly--I thought they were perfect, I thought they were worthy, I thought they were everything I thought I wanted in life...but I was wrong. Truth be told, I should have trusted my gut from the beginning--you know that nagging, nauseous, annoying, scooped out feeling you get when you KNOW something isn't right for you, but you make up excuses, justifying yourself in your known wrongness. That feeling sucks, but it's kind of like Epicac or Simon Cowell: It may not feel good at the moment, but it's good for you in the long run. I am so free right now--I have virtually no responsibility outside of homework, I have great friends, killer wit, I go to a great school, have a great family...why am I so worried about fulfilling other voids in my life right now? I should really just be content, and focused on improving me mE ME!! This is really the only time in my life I have to be completely selfish, somewhat carefree, and intune with my personal needs without worrying how it will affect someone else. Basically, I just need to take Ja Rule's advice and start "Livin' it up."